getting in a slumph is the tough thing for me while raising dd kids. for 7 years we have told fuzzy to not carry pencils in his pocket. i feel like just giving up on that, he literally had 9 pencils in his pants pocket the other night. along with a post it pad, about 25 index cards, some toys, and a wrapper or two, plus his wallet. it was the pocket that never ends! i just struggle with the joy in this parenting experience. mainly with fuzzy. his defiance and arguing over everything is even worse with him being 14- seems like he is copping an attitude of entitlement. we feel like packing up to south america and changing what expectations not only these battery obsessed trauma kids have but also our other kids and their materialistic views. lillu is asking for a dirtbike every day and lilme is fashion crazy. liltoo is nuk obsessed and i guess i feel trapped with maintaining this large household with so many...necessities and things. can i just wash my clothes in a tin basin for a couple years?
so the time goes on with some things never changing. i think what needs to change is my expectation for change. but i am such a logistic and analytic that it drives me nuts and combined with their emotional pushes i feel at a loss for ever having anything real to even care about. but yet i am driven and consumed to strive for their academic and developmental success and it sucks the life out of me and with such limited progress it makes me want to GIVE UP!! food and shelter, if i didn't feel so compelled for them to make progress maybe i could be more focused on building our relationships or having fun with them. right now when my day is done and when the work is done i feel burnt out and not interested in battling the emotional gaps they present to bond. yuck it just sucks, not what i would have envisioned and yet stuck and not sure how to rechannel my thoughts. oh i know the trainings, i know that success looks different for everyone and i should love the good things and teach mercy and grace. but unless you live in my house, or live this world. i beg to differ that it sounds wayyy easier than it is. sometimes i feel like i am being punished for even wanting to help raise orphans. why else would i have such strong conflict on being a mom, something that i once loved and now am tormented with feelings of resentment and struggle. my hope is in Christ and i need to release my feelings to him and rely on him to fill my heart with peace and love, joy, hope, perseverance, trust, and faithfulness. Please Lord, hold me close so I can love my kids and be the mom you want me to be. Prayers and practical advise welcome:)
oh yeah, and in august retardo passed away and we took all the kids on our 7 year anniversary to bid farewell to him. closure is good. life is good. i just needed to vent.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
what part dont you understand?
when last year, i discovered buzzy had been soliciting sellers on craigslist with ridiculous offers on electronics, mainly phones, i talked to the case manager because he is essentially targeting himself as handicapped and i am not comfortable with that. who would be? oh yeah, ok, we'll keep an eye on that.
guess who is searching craigslist again at school?
i am totally disgusted with this and do not even know how to be nice about it, but really, does he need internet free time in his 7 hours at school? i beg to differ and unless he is totally supervised, he should not be in the computer lab as he cannot be trusted to not endanger himself.
waiting to her from lue to see where he stuck the ipad buzzy gets to use on saturdays so i can see his sent box. he is sneaky enough though that is not even for sure, he may understand to delete that. as slow as he is in so many things, he has manipulation and sneakyness to a t.
waiting for a call back from the case manager too. if they cannot assure me that he has supervised internet that they can transfer his records today. yuck!
guess who is searching craigslist again at school?
i am totally disgusted with this and do not even know how to be nice about it, but really, does he need internet free time in his 7 hours at school? i beg to differ and unless he is totally supervised, he should not be in the computer lab as he cannot be trusted to not endanger himself.
waiting to her from lue to see where he stuck the ipad buzzy gets to use on saturdays so i can see his sent box. he is sneaky enough though that is not even for sure, he may understand to delete that. as slow as he is in so many things, he has manipulation and sneakyness to a t.
waiting for a call back from the case manager too. if they cannot assure me that he has supervised internet that they can transfer his records today. yuck!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
not so funny
8 yo:
"i went to kiss her and then suddenly accidentally bit her" about why the 1 yo is crying. nice. oh the joys of dd, no logic, impulsiveness!
thankful for the school bus though and the grace of God!
"i went to kiss her and then suddenly accidentally bit her" about why the 1 yo is crying. nice. oh the joys of dd, no logic, impulsiveness!
thankful for the school bus though and the grace of God!
Friday, July 1, 2011
why i am mad
i am mad because i learned that school was letting 8th grade Buzzy, sit around on the computer.
i knew it was happening, and i had made minor comments to the teacher, but was hoping that i was overreacting. the internet is so wide spread these days, and maybe buzzy bounces like any other 15 year old would, and is checking ebay and craislist without their knowledge, but i highly doubt that. plus, what is he supposed to be doing?
the new case manager, at the high school- who probably doesnt realize the weight on her shoulders, because i am so tired of him getting a shitty education. two weeks. and then district change and if i am not happy by christmas i will do that virtual acadmy or something.
the new teacher then, she said it was maybe happening at lunch.
i said that if it cannot be confirmed that he not be making online contact with strangers, essentially targeting himself, then i will not be sending him so i need to know. i am not negotiating this. would you?
this is why:
he sent numerous emails to craigslist people selling phones on craigslist, making offers as low as $3 or up to $20. One person replied and then insulted him because the 20$ offer was for a 500$ phone. He even sent an email on accident to david, and responds to junk mail. Like the facebook account he set up, and he created a new name for internet, a common name- like John. Then opened up various accounts, like with some newspapers and where he gets tons of junk emails. He didn't remember the facebook password and hadn't ever done anything on it. But I told him he should have told me that. Now Fuzzy on the other hand, he even made 7 friends and understands how that works. For him I just changed the password and when they earn the internet back, the 20th, I will consider letting them have a page on their own. I just want to be supervising their activities or contacts- raising vulnerable kids is SO HARD! And people dont really get it until a situation arises and it becomes clear that there is minimal understanding or regard to what may be happening.
Buzzy lies about things and with his memory impairments it makes things tough.
I just don't know if I can handle the boys emotional energy for such constant things, and if they cannot be trusted then how do I keep them safe? There are people that actually hurt retarded people.
Just yesterday our case worker with Lifeworks reminded me of how we are doing the best we can and it is a tough job. Everyone will be just fine. And we are minor to some folks! I might have a 13 year old leak through pull ups and finally after years of my torture, he is being medicated and not doing that as much. I pray that lilman does not have bed wetting issues. They say it runs in the family, but they say that to me knowing that i have always primarily attributing it to the parenting and potty training process. So I can admit that by letting cute lilman sleep soundly and I change his diaper at night is not a good idea. I guess I am thinking when he turns four. He is like a four year old too though, so the diapers need to be done.
So, moving into the new school year, I will be quick to address last years case manager, whom I grew less and less favorable to over working with her the last 2 years. Do I bring this to higher authority attention? Or just be clear to her that Fuzzy also can be choosing other activities and will not be unsupervised to contact strangers either. I just do not feel there is reason to be doing that without both boys having an adult know that it is not targeting them or subjecting them for any recourse. And I am not sure if they will ever understand, so unsure how you could teach that. I do want to be texting with Buzzy, he has an ipod- I facilitated and assisted him in buying that from craigslist. I bet he thinks he is learning from me, poor kid. He just doesn't understand money or has some little glitches in trade/resale/exchange peice.
The different deficits of funciton are visible in various aspects yet, not entirely linked to lack of ability as a whole. Quite complex circuit board registry. Definitly honored to be safeguarding that treasure and their hearts are pure. Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. I do to, I just wish it didn't come with such pain sometimes. The price has been paid, I know I need to be focused on what is right, and that is raising my babies the best I can. For that I am blessed! so i am not mad...just needed to vent!
i knew it was happening, and i had made minor comments to the teacher, but was hoping that i was overreacting. the internet is so wide spread these days, and maybe buzzy bounces like any other 15 year old would, and is checking ebay and craislist without their knowledge, but i highly doubt that. plus, what is he supposed to be doing?
the new case manager, at the high school- who probably doesnt realize the weight on her shoulders, because i am so tired of him getting a shitty education. two weeks. and then district change and if i am not happy by christmas i will do that virtual acadmy or something.
the new teacher then, she said it was maybe happening at lunch.
i said that if it cannot be confirmed that he not be making online contact with strangers, essentially targeting himself, then i will not be sending him so i need to know. i am not negotiating this. would you?
this is why:
he sent numerous emails to craigslist people selling phones on craigslist, making offers as low as $3 or up to $20. One person replied and then insulted him because the 20$ offer was for a 500$ phone. He even sent an email on accident to david, and responds to junk mail. Like the facebook account he set up, and he created a new name for internet, a common name- like John. Then opened up various accounts, like with some newspapers and where he gets tons of junk emails. He didn't remember the facebook password and hadn't ever done anything on it. But I told him he should have told me that. Now Fuzzy on the other hand, he even made 7 friends and understands how that works. For him I just changed the password and when they earn the internet back, the 20th, I will consider letting them have a page on their own. I just want to be supervising their activities or contacts- raising vulnerable kids is SO HARD! And people dont really get it until a situation arises and it becomes clear that there is minimal understanding or regard to what may be happening.
Buzzy lies about things and with his memory impairments it makes things tough.
I just don't know if I can handle the boys emotional energy for such constant things, and if they cannot be trusted then how do I keep them safe? There are people that actually hurt retarded people.
Just yesterday our case worker with Lifeworks reminded me of how we are doing the best we can and it is a tough job. Everyone will be just fine. And we are minor to some folks! I might have a 13 year old leak through pull ups and finally after years of my torture, he is being medicated and not doing that as much. I pray that lilman does not have bed wetting issues. They say it runs in the family, but they say that to me knowing that i have always primarily attributing it to the parenting and potty training process. So I can admit that by letting cute lilman sleep soundly and I change his diaper at night is not a good idea. I guess I am thinking when he turns four. He is like a four year old too though, so the diapers need to be done.
So, moving into the new school year, I will be quick to address last years case manager, whom I grew less and less favorable to over working with her the last 2 years. Do I bring this to higher authority attention? Or just be clear to her that Fuzzy also can be choosing other activities and will not be unsupervised to contact strangers either. I just do not feel there is reason to be doing that without both boys having an adult know that it is not targeting them or subjecting them for any recourse. And I am not sure if they will ever understand, so unsure how you could teach that. I do want to be texting with Buzzy, he has an ipod- I facilitated and assisted him in buying that from craigslist. I bet he thinks he is learning from me, poor kid. He just doesn't understand money or has some little glitches in trade/resale/exchange peice.
The different deficits of funciton are visible in various aspects yet, not entirely linked to lack of ability as a whole. Quite complex circuit board registry. Definitly honored to be safeguarding that treasure and their hearts are pure. Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. I do to, I just wish it didn't come with such pain sometimes. The price has been paid, I know I need to be focused on what is right, and that is raising my babies the best I can. For that I am blessed! so i am not mad...just needed to vent!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Rapid Respit
As in meaning that I we are using lots of hours now, they expire in June and we were told to use them or we will not be able to get services someday if we really need them and it is good for us and the kids.
Tonight they are going over to the new girls and doing a parade among other things, I am sure they enjoy that focused cognitive therapy that we cannot provide. Even Lillu has progressed in certain concepts that make some repeated conversation and general topics beyond my capacity at that point. Having these names really throws me off. I should have picked better ones that have some meaning or something, I am like...what's their name? whatever the little bio boy.
so i need to print and finalize my pca schedule this summer and we are doing 9 hours a week of 1:1, more than we usually do in a month! So i hope that we see some progress for the kids. Fuzzy has been off his rocker lately with the ODD. And we tried zoloft, it didnt work! Now I feel discouraged to meet with the psyciatrist, but really that is what we should do. It is borderline intolerable because it goes with no rhyme or reason and only continually ostracizes him. Excuse me while I go look up that word.
Tonight they are going over to the new girls and doing a parade among other things, I am sure they enjoy that focused cognitive therapy that we cannot provide. Even Lillu has progressed in certain concepts that make some repeated conversation and general topics beyond my capacity at that point. Having these names really throws me off. I should have picked better ones that have some meaning or something, I am like...what's their name? whatever the little bio boy.
so i need to print and finalize my pca schedule this summer and we are doing 9 hours a week of 1:1, more than we usually do in a month! So i hope that we see some progress for the kids. Fuzzy has been off his rocker lately with the ODD. And we tried zoloft, it didnt work! Now I feel discouraged to meet with the psyciatrist, but really that is what we should do. It is borderline intolerable because it goes with no rhyme or reason and only continually ostracizes him. Excuse me while I go look up that word.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
summer calendar
i am so excited to do my calendar. every summer and every school year, and every new year...I get to get some markers and hash up a clean crisp, empty month. Well they are starting to get scattered and randomly filled with various appointments and obligations.
today my main pca is bringing her summer schedule, and just yesterday I go the boys summer schedule. we will be ready to roll. we are for the first time ever using the hours for a 1:1 theraputic setting with various themes with attempt to improve function that requires assistance to begin with. Sounds like fun, I know...but i really have mixed feelings about that commotion it may bring in the home, that is why we are going to be a set schedule and minimize transitions, those are most annoying around here.
also doing something big, and I am trying not to play the guilt game. but as that therapist said, if people don't understand our needs for respite then they just don't get it and that doesn't matter to me or what we need anyone of us in our family.
we need to go on a vacation setting and get to experience that without the constant chaos. also, the girls, being with their dad every other weekend, and than having so much consumption with the different special needs of each child- well they need to have some time in a less structured environment that things always need to be at home for the best of everyone. following me here...it's just what we are doing. and it should be a great time. i am really looking forward to it. we are doing respite on that friday, and so i will have the whole day to get everyone ready and then. then if uncle or grandma and grandpa don't come up then we will try and sucker a pca into doing it- but waiting on Lue to find out for sure, as it really preferred. Lua has drivers ed in the morning, well she is checking with her friend- evidently the dates were wrong and it is a secret what the real dates are or something. Small town water tower scandal. heard of it? just kidding. but then the girls will get a ride home with someone too. it is a win win. a night of respite, a night of all 8, a night of our regular 6. win win win. put that on your calendar!
today my main pca is bringing her summer schedule, and just yesterday I go the boys summer schedule. we will be ready to roll. we are for the first time ever using the hours for a 1:1 theraputic setting with various themes with attempt to improve function that requires assistance to begin with. Sounds like fun, I know...but i really have mixed feelings about that commotion it may bring in the home, that is why we are going to be a set schedule and minimize transitions, those are most annoying around here.
also doing something big, and I am trying not to play the guilt game. but as that therapist said, if people don't understand our needs for respite then they just don't get it and that doesn't matter to me or what we need anyone of us in our family.
we need to go on a vacation setting and get to experience that without the constant chaos. also, the girls, being with their dad every other weekend, and than having so much consumption with the different special needs of each child- well they need to have some time in a less structured environment that things always need to be at home for the best of everyone. following me here...it's just what we are doing. and it should be a great time. i am really looking forward to it. we are doing respite on that friday, and so i will have the whole day to get everyone ready and then. then if uncle or grandma and grandpa don't come up then we will try and sucker a pca into doing it- but waiting on Lue to find out for sure, as it really preferred. Lua has drivers ed in the morning, well she is checking with her friend- evidently the dates were wrong and it is a secret what the real dates are or something. Small town water tower scandal. heard of it? just kidding. but then the girls will get a ride home with someone too. it is a win win. a night of respite, a night of all 8, a night of our regular 6. win win win. put that on your calendar!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
New Respite Plans
After meeting with a psychologist for Fuzzy, I have again come to terms that respite is okay and is better for our whole family then any snickers of division. People that do not understand what our lives look like and our needs to regroup need not snicker. And if they do, I guess I need to build up that wall.
We are having a new PCA that is interested in respite do a night this weekend. For the first time ever, I am excited because there is no emotional relationship with her and I and so we will get this right the first time, not keep hoping that it works out.
Why doesn't it work out? Because we have felt that the respite used in the past winds up being nothing structured for the kids, and we would like that. Then, our "break" is usually bitter sweet when we realize that they haven't bathed, have icky dirty nails, wrecked clothing and shoes, and other situations that make us feel that the care is not really what we had in mind. This is, and I am so excited. We are going to make it a camp out fun time for them, like a mini vacation...and I can't wait!
I purposely scheduled it for the girls weekend here, but now they likely won't be joining us til Saturday anyhow. They have had lots of drama lately on their time here, so not complaining. Clearly reflects the negativity they are consumed with in their other home. If only we could get them more, but in the mean time we will take what we can get and hope for the best.
So for this I am most excited for the weekend! Fuzzy has been purposely guzzling water to wet through his new pullups because we are having them delivered now from a medical supply company. Then for the 3rd day in a row after "leaking" he lied about the sheets, didn't want them washed!%*#@% if that tells you anything. YikEs!
I am going to valleyfair with Buzzy in June with school, so that will be tons of fun (I really hope because I love that place...please let me enjoy it Buzzy!!) Wishing for this feeling of cheer to continue into the summer when all the kids are home too, not just now at 709 when the 4 have left and the little two are still sawing logs. Have a great day...I know I will!
We are having a new PCA that is interested in respite do a night this weekend. For the first time ever, I am excited because there is no emotional relationship with her and I and so we will get this right the first time, not keep hoping that it works out.
Why doesn't it work out? Because we have felt that the respite used in the past winds up being nothing structured for the kids, and we would like that. Then, our "break" is usually bitter sweet when we realize that they haven't bathed, have icky dirty nails, wrecked clothing and shoes, and other situations that make us feel that the care is not really what we had in mind. This is, and I am so excited. We are going to make it a camp out fun time for them, like a mini vacation...and I can't wait!
I purposely scheduled it for the girls weekend here, but now they likely won't be joining us til Saturday anyhow. They have had lots of drama lately on their time here, so not complaining. Clearly reflects the negativity they are consumed with in their other home. If only we could get them more, but in the mean time we will take what we can get and hope for the best.
So for this I am most excited for the weekend! Fuzzy has been purposely guzzling water to wet through his new pullups because we are having them delivered now from a medical supply company. Then for the 3rd day in a row after "leaking" he lied about the sheets, didn't want them washed!%*#@% if that tells you anything. YikEs!
I am going to valleyfair with Buzzy in June with school, so that will be tons of fun (I really hope because I love that place...please let me enjoy it Buzzy!!) Wishing for this feeling of cheer to continue into the summer when all the kids are home too, not just now at 709 when the 4 have left and the little two are still sawing logs. Have a great day...I know I will!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Happy's IEP
Not really looking forward to that crap today. IEP= Individualized Education Plan. But I am not happy with hers. Her processing and memory impairments are not apparent in the 2nd grade classroom setting and therefore there is a great difference in the girl we are discussing from home to school.
I tell myself that is fine, and when they give her greater independence and less structure- such as at home, they will be surprised to learn that she is not really where they think she is!
The report card was downright false, saying she tells time and communicates well. Really? Have you talked to her lately? Whatever, I will be supportive of her education and just advocate for her to receive services as they are offered to her. I have fought for what she gets as of now. Last year they were not going to test her in communication.
I said they were. They did. The parents is always right, if they are not sure then call in the big dogs. I like big dogs! But Happy is a tricky kid and I understand that her expectations right now are not identifying her specific and quirky challenges. Executive functioning...4th/5th grade? I hate waiting, but unless I want to do it myself I have to just sit and wait. Sit down and shut up is what I have coined the district's roadblocks to qualifications. I can do that, but someday I will not have to and they will see what we see and my baby will keep making improvements with our without their constant understanding of her issues.
So Lue isn't crazy about IEPs but I like numbers and feeling like I am not alone against them, maybe I should see if a PCA will go with me. Lue says he isn't following the meetings always anyhow. I thought it would be good because we have Lua's IEP meeting (they require an annual meeting) next Monday. Thought it would stir up his intellect. Then I decided fine, I am so tired of orchastrating child care and what have you, why should I feel bad of asking my inlaws to babysit? They live less than a mile away, you'd think I could get them weekly. But I hate asking. Lue would rather not go and so I am compensating that idea negatively justifying that he usually doesn't contribute much and of course says the wrong things because I am perfect. haha. I guess it doesn't matter. Right now is not much chance to get anything more for her, so I am fine. I am going to pull out my reading charts they have been half-ass providing me. According to the IEP they are non-compliant as they are not sending them weekly.
Why did I fight for the language to get those weekly reports and then not do anything with them? Well not sure. But for todays meeting I will whip them out to show that their weekly goal of hers to gain improvement and the regression with stagnant weeks does not put her anywhere near they intended her skills to be, so what are they going to do about it?
Likely nothing.
We'll see how today goes. Wonder if I will make it through the meeting without crying about my baby they want to slip on through the cracks with bullshit excuses. Sorry for my language...lack of better terms?!
Have a Stellar Day, my couple readers...if any...to the open space of the unknown where i reach my words and tone to the underlying presence my Lord captures my feelings and cradles me kind, with room to grow and leave behind the pain the tears and all my fears. in the end I will surrender to the highest authority who created the world, beginning and end, alpha omega, in the middle of my little mess I remember how much I am blessed... THANK YOU JESUS!
I tell myself that is fine, and when they give her greater independence and less structure- such as at home, they will be surprised to learn that she is not really where they think she is!
The report card was downright false, saying she tells time and communicates well. Really? Have you talked to her lately? Whatever, I will be supportive of her education and just advocate for her to receive services as they are offered to her. I have fought for what she gets as of now. Last year they were not going to test her in communication.
I said they were. They did. The parents is always right, if they are not sure then call in the big dogs. I like big dogs! But Happy is a tricky kid and I understand that her expectations right now are not identifying her specific and quirky challenges. Executive functioning...4th/5th grade? I hate waiting, but unless I want to do it myself I have to just sit and wait. Sit down and shut up is what I have coined the district's roadblocks to qualifications. I can do that, but someday I will not have to and they will see what we see and my baby will keep making improvements with our without their constant understanding of her issues.
So Lue isn't crazy about IEPs but I like numbers and feeling like I am not alone against them, maybe I should see if a PCA will go with me. Lue says he isn't following the meetings always anyhow. I thought it would be good because we have Lua's IEP meeting (they require an annual meeting) next Monday. Thought it would stir up his intellect. Then I decided fine, I am so tired of orchastrating child care and what have you, why should I feel bad of asking my inlaws to babysit? They live less than a mile away, you'd think I could get them weekly. But I hate asking. Lue would rather not go and so I am compensating that idea negatively justifying that he usually doesn't contribute much and of course says the wrong things because I am perfect. haha. I guess it doesn't matter. Right now is not much chance to get anything more for her, so I am fine. I am going to pull out my reading charts they have been half-ass providing me. According to the IEP they are non-compliant as they are not sending them weekly.
Why did I fight for the language to get those weekly reports and then not do anything with them? Well not sure. But for todays meeting I will whip them out to show that their weekly goal of hers to gain improvement and the regression with stagnant weeks does not put her anywhere near they intended her skills to be, so what are they going to do about it?
Likely nothing.
We'll see how today goes. Wonder if I will make it through the meeting without crying about my baby they want to slip on through the cracks with bullshit excuses. Sorry for my language...lack of better terms?!
Have a Stellar Day, my couple readers...if any...to the open space of the unknown where i reach my words and tone to the underlying presence my Lord captures my feelings and cradles me kind, with room to grow and leave behind the pain the tears and all my fears. in the end I will surrender to the highest authority who created the world, beginning and end, alpha omega, in the middle of my little mess I remember how much I am blessed... THANK YOU JESUS!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
One Down
One down makes a huge difference. Especially when it is one of the tougher ones! Fuzzy is on a trip with school and it has been nice to have less fighting because of his ocd! We met with a psychiatrist and he was started on zoloft, after nothing at 12.5 and nothing at that doubled, I am feeling confident to discontinue it. We didn't fill out the paperwork and forgot it on our weekend trip, so he is pretty much off that . I don't really think there is a med to help, but might discuss this further with the doc. Then I am not in favor of the therapy sessions either...really- with the DCD are we going to get anywhere anyhow? It'd probably be better to save the energy and use that time for some 1 on 1 anyhow.
Buzzy was convinced that he was bit by a poisonous spider last night and told me that even daddy long legs are poisonous. Yikes, he said that his hand was numb, then pointed to a knuckle and then said it was (with his fingers, about an 1/8 inch) just a little bit numb. I wonder if he went to the nurse when he got to school, I could tell that he didn't trust me that there were no poisonous spiders here.
On the note of school- Buzzy came home with a planets presentation board. Funny thing was that one of the points under each planet was how many earth days their years are. I couldn't help but feel objective as he never remembers how many days are in an earth year. The last time he guessed 7 or 8. Now I wonder if the science project was confusing him, as Mercury has 8 days. Atleast now I know that when he answers that may be correct somewhere in the universe. Again, my satisfaction levels are not too high with public schools at this moment. Home schooling would be so sad though, I love that darn bus!!
So Fuzzy gets home tonight, Buzzy was wondering if I was getting him at 5am this morning at about 630am. I said see, this is why you won't stay home by yourself, you don't understand time. Like is that supposed to be a secret? He was full gripe load yesterday when he had to go with to the girls dance because Lue had a long day and couldn't be home in time. Buzzy said, why can't I stay home alone?! I said because you are not staying home alone, you don't even know what time it is. He then was mad at me, saying he does. So is it unfair of me to bring this to his attention then in the revealing moments of his deficits? Maybe I will never know, if done lovingly then I just hope it supports his understanding of our desires for his safety and well being. It's not like we are making things up!
Buzzy was convinced that he was bit by a poisonous spider last night and told me that even daddy long legs are poisonous. Yikes, he said that his hand was numb, then pointed to a knuckle and then said it was (with his fingers, about an 1/8 inch) just a little bit numb. I wonder if he went to the nurse when he got to school, I could tell that he didn't trust me that there were no poisonous spiders here.
On the note of school- Buzzy came home with a planets presentation board. Funny thing was that one of the points under each planet was how many earth days their years are. I couldn't help but feel objective as he never remembers how many days are in an earth year. The last time he guessed 7 or 8. Now I wonder if the science project was confusing him, as Mercury has 8 days. Atleast now I know that when he answers that may be correct somewhere in the universe. Again, my satisfaction levels are not too high with public schools at this moment. Home schooling would be so sad though, I love that darn bus!!
So Fuzzy gets home tonight, Buzzy was wondering if I was getting him at 5am this morning at about 630am. I said see, this is why you won't stay home by yourself, you don't understand time. Like is that supposed to be a secret? He was full gripe load yesterday when he had to go with to the girls dance because Lue had a long day and couldn't be home in time. Buzzy said, why can't I stay home alone?! I said because you are not staying home alone, you don't even know what time it is. He then was mad at me, saying he does. So is it unfair of me to bring this to his attention then in the revealing moments of his deficits? Maybe I will never know, if done lovingly then I just hope it supports his understanding of our desires for his safety and well being. It's not like we are making things up!
Friday, April 1, 2011
one more day
Spring break with the boys, only Monday left yet. I love school so much, I can't believe I consider home schooling. When would I get a break? It is funny, because with their developmental delays sometimes they act 2,4,6,or 8; yet, sometimes they can be age appropriate. But that is not so often!
Yesterday Buzzy had a PCA help him prepare a hotdish for supper. I think the 3 hours that took wasn't worth the reward of not having to cook dinner. How selfless do we have to be? His advantages possibly outweigh my disadvantages, but seriously? Hogging up my kitchen for 3 hours, I wish there were a test kitchen he could use or something. The day before she had taken him to the store and he bought the ingredients we didn't have. He was so giddy when he came home. I struggle with finding compassion sometimes because the father of lies tells me they are annoying. But how sad is that if your own mother finds you annoying and somedays it feels like they can't do anything right. Yuck! That is my problem, and I cannot make it theirs. Fake it til you make it. I do love them more than words and am passionate for their success, but so many barriers with their communication, cognitive and processing skills, I would offer that I wasn't really cut out for this. I know that God chose me to be their mom and he knew what types of challenges I would bear, and by the power of his name my reward will be in heaven!
I am free in Christ, and even though I would ask if he ever was surrounded by retarded people all day, likely not; however, to show love and be love are what I am called to do- even when it is hard!
Something else on my mind, is the international vs. domestic adoption opinions I have. I think I will do a post on my other blog to discuss this, but many people from our church are all worried about kids on reese's rainbow and one little girl from russia costs 33k! Can you imagine! And I know so much more than these kindhearted people, that she likely has FASD and will be such a challenge and financially too. No secondary coverage there folks! At one point, if it wasn't for our secondary medical coverage our therapy bills would have exceeded 900$ a month! Now, the state doesn't occur any expense either since they have to write it off- that is why dentists don't like MA and they are in a different category then medical professionals that cannot deny patients.
So there are some rants for now...and looking forward to my little routines to come on Tuesday after a weekend and only 2 more days of my boys here looking for direction.
Therapy news, all 3 are done. Buzzy capped out with skills are 8-9 years old (mind you he is nearly 15,) Happy as well- after over 6 years of therapy it just isn't helping on those areas that we will likely forever accomodate. I dropped Fuzzy because I don't want to use my PCA hours with just him in the car for an hour and we are doing some home programming now.
Happy Friday!! Blessings to the world!!
Yesterday Buzzy had a PCA help him prepare a hotdish for supper. I think the 3 hours that took wasn't worth the reward of not having to cook dinner. How selfless do we have to be? His advantages possibly outweigh my disadvantages, but seriously? Hogging up my kitchen for 3 hours, I wish there were a test kitchen he could use or something. The day before she had taken him to the store and he bought the ingredients we didn't have. He was so giddy when he came home. I struggle with finding compassion sometimes because the father of lies tells me they are annoying. But how sad is that if your own mother finds you annoying and somedays it feels like they can't do anything right. Yuck! That is my problem, and I cannot make it theirs. Fake it til you make it. I do love them more than words and am passionate for their success, but so many barriers with their communication, cognitive and processing skills, I would offer that I wasn't really cut out for this. I know that God chose me to be their mom and he knew what types of challenges I would bear, and by the power of his name my reward will be in heaven!
I am free in Christ, and even though I would ask if he ever was surrounded by retarded people all day, likely not; however, to show love and be love are what I am called to do- even when it is hard!
Something else on my mind, is the international vs. domestic adoption opinions I have. I think I will do a post on my other blog to discuss this, but many people from our church are all worried about kids on reese's rainbow and one little girl from russia costs 33k! Can you imagine! And I know so much more than these kindhearted people, that she likely has FASD and will be such a challenge and financially too. No secondary coverage there folks! At one point, if it wasn't for our secondary medical coverage our therapy bills would have exceeded 900$ a month! Now, the state doesn't occur any expense either since they have to write it off- that is why dentists don't like MA and they are in a different category then medical professionals that cannot deny patients.
So there are some rants for now...and looking forward to my little routines to come on Tuesday after a weekend and only 2 more days of my boys here looking for direction.
Therapy news, all 3 are done. Buzzy capped out with skills are 8-9 years old (mind you he is nearly 15,) Happy as well- after over 6 years of therapy it just isn't helping on those areas that we will likely forever accomodate. I dropped Fuzzy because I don't want to use my PCA hours with just him in the car for an hour and we are doing some home programming now.
Happy Friday!! Blessings to the world!!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Taxes
that is an advantage to having more kids! I have a wish list every year, even of course that money was long spent ago. I guess they know who to give it to! We have to be the spenders. If we are going to be living in this economy, we should atleast have some fun too though. And by that I mean to be investing your money in your kids.
I am going to start several kids on piano lessons when I get a cool electric piano.
I will book lodging for vacations, that would otherwise not have a dime.
I will try to book my own travels, since Lue doesn't fly. Yeah right, wait til he really wants to go somewhere.
Hiring new PCAs now, we just want to have a couple more on hand and the county implied that if we don't use hours now, then even as soon as after another year, we may be ineligible for the hours. Something about ADLs. I just cant' keep up on those things, people are paid to do that...right! Regardless, she said that she will not have much grounds to refer us to any programs if we are not even using our hours now. Well not sure how much I could stand. Unless they are gone with them, often I find it annoying to be home too. Then I can hear if things are going downhill and they want to be on my lap. I LOVE THE BREAK!! But not as much as I love the kids!! They are so awesome and I sometimes let myself drag on their challenges and let that consume me; however, what consumes me is their resilience, love, innocence, effort and participation.
Probably a new bag.
Maybe a newer van.
Maybe an investment into a family business.
A bench with storage for my front door. The current bench will be used for our table seating.
Storage shelves for kids and family things to better organize the closets for wardrobe/flipping. I am a flipper with a big sale and make $600 while getting first dibs and buying various things for any of my wardrobes. Giving up on the steppers though. I can't find anything they like anymore and they are better off bringing things from their moms house.
BTW i am free and am no longer having a near 40 in my house play mom and live out of laundry baskets because of (MY DIAGNOSED) cognitive emotional related impairments to making decisions, actually I don't know where that lies in the DSM4. is that's what it is called? Again, people are paid for that:) life is good!
I am going to start several kids on piano lessons when I get a cool electric piano.
I will book lodging for vacations, that would otherwise not have a dime.
I will try to book my own travels, since Lue doesn't fly. Yeah right, wait til he really wants to go somewhere.
Hiring new PCAs now, we just want to have a couple more on hand and the county implied that if we don't use hours now, then even as soon as after another year, we may be ineligible for the hours. Something about ADLs. I just cant' keep up on those things, people are paid to do that...right! Regardless, she said that she will not have much grounds to refer us to any programs if we are not even using our hours now. Well not sure how much I could stand. Unless they are gone with them, often I find it annoying to be home too. Then I can hear if things are going downhill and they want to be on my lap. I LOVE THE BREAK!! But not as much as I love the kids!! They are so awesome and I sometimes let myself drag on their challenges and let that consume me; however, what consumes me is their resilience, love, innocence, effort and participation.
Probably a new bag.
Maybe a newer van.
Maybe an investment into a family business.
A bench with storage for my front door. The current bench will be used for our table seating.
Storage shelves for kids and family things to better organize the closets for wardrobe/flipping. I am a flipper with a big sale and make $600 while getting first dibs and buying various things for any of my wardrobes. Giving up on the steppers though. I can't find anything they like anymore and they are better off bringing things from their moms house.
BTW i am free and am no longer having a near 40 in my house play mom and live out of laundry baskets because of (MY DIAGNOSED) cognitive emotional related impairments to making decisions, actually I don't know where that lies in the DSM4. is that's what it is called? Again, people are paid for that:) life is good!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
maybe bangs or a business
So foster family work didn't go over so well and we have enough of our own problems. Having a dysfunctional 38 yo mom with her 4 kiddos just isn't all that it is cracked up to be!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Transitions
I hope that our decision to take in my s-i-l and her 4 kids will positively impact everyone involved. Because it isn't easy! And if you are 38 and have such a history of unhealthy relationships and emotional instability, I guess this is called foster familying. She is at court today. I just hope it doesn't turn into me telling her that the kids can't/shouldn't go back "home" until school is out. This was their 5th transfer THIS YEAR!!
That was my underlying motivation here, because once again they were in a (self-induced) crisis and they needed a place to go.
It is nice to see interactions with her and my adopted trio though, they are her half-siblings. It is funny though, because we feel like we are convincing her of their disabilities sometimes. In time, I think she has the capacity to understand our concerns. We sometimes get bogged down with labels and the deeper thinking once trained and informed with the psychology of traumatized kids. Her kids are actually traumatized too and her time is up for them to be in foster care and they have had a rough road. SO, this is all in love that we may encourage, model, and support her in being a strong woman able to parent her children and care for herself emotionally as well. That might be impractical and against all odds, but at least we can't say we didn't try...right?
That was my underlying motivation here, because once again they were in a (self-induced) crisis and they needed a place to go.
It is nice to see interactions with her and my adopted trio though, they are her half-siblings. It is funny though, because we feel like we are convincing her of their disabilities sometimes. In time, I think she has the capacity to understand our concerns. We sometimes get bogged down with labels and the deeper thinking once trained and informed with the psychology of traumatized kids. Her kids are actually traumatized too and her time is up for them to be in foster care and they have had a rough road. SO, this is all in love that we may encourage, model, and support her in being a strong woman able to parent her children and care for herself emotionally as well. That might be impractical and against all odds, but at least we can't say we didn't try...right?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
testing testing 123
or not, our sermon series is on radical life. and funny that we were YESTERDAY asked to take in Lue's older sister and her 4 kids. Like we don't have enough going on here. but the answer didn't take long. what's the point here, anyhow?
serve one another, shelter the orphans (and their mother,) feed the poor, selfless, uncomfortable, sharing, caring, give give give.
except some just take take take, but that is not the issue. right now it is what needed to happen, more for those 5 than our 10- but i know that God has a plan for that greater number too- so unfold it!
i am hoping that it will not be more than a couple months, and in the grande scheme of things, not a big deal. i am secretly thinking this is good to see where we are at for adding a few kids down the road:)
lilme immediately cleared her closet and was eager to inform me that she knew where blondie's (her 8 year old cousin sleeping under her lofted bed) socks and under ware would go and where her pj's would go too. yep, takes after her momma. the other day she said that, in pretend play (of course) that she "adopted a few kids from africa and has a few people visiting from colombia." haha where does she come up with this stuff?
i love imagination!!
serve one another, shelter the orphans (and their mother,) feed the poor, selfless, uncomfortable, sharing, caring, give give give.
except some just take take take, but that is not the issue. right now it is what needed to happen, more for those 5 than our 10- but i know that God has a plan for that greater number too- so unfold it!
i am hoping that it will not be more than a couple months, and in the grande scheme of things, not a big deal. i am secretly thinking this is good to see where we are at for adding a few kids down the road:)
lilme immediately cleared her closet and was eager to inform me that she knew where blondie's (her 8 year old cousin sleeping under her lofted bed) socks and under ware would go and where her pj's would go too. yep, takes after her momma. the other day she said that, in pretend play (of course) that she "adopted a few kids from africa and has a few people visiting from colombia." haha where does she come up with this stuff?
i love imagination!!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Distractions at school
So Buzzy made a quick dash to his room before bundling up for school, but on the way out I had to take headphones and a pack of batteries, which then he stomped away. Last week the boys case manager had called and asked that they not have distracting items at school, as unknown to me, Buzzy brought a dead cell phone he found on the street t-th and she had finally told them they couldn't even talk about it in her room. Haha, someone gets it!
Until someone gets it, we often feel judged and perceived as being too harsh or critical of their interests. No! Their interests drive everyone INSANE!! So I am not sure what the headphones and batteries are for, but we will have to have the conversation again that school is for learning and they do not bring stuff with them. I hope he had a walkman or something, but I didn't have time to find out, so my only choice was to eliminate the obvious. Batteries and cords, cell phones, and gadgets have an emotional hold on these boys! It is just bizarre! I attribute Buzzy's to the ASD; however, Fuzzy- thinking that is more trauma related or RAD- I guess those same could be true for Buzzy. Oh well, don't know, just deal with it!
Happy has lost another glove, and unfortunately it is her 2nd right one, or she would have two beautiful gloves to wear, just not together! Her lack of concern to her possessions is frustrating because I feel like I should never give her anything new or nice. Cutting holes in things, sitting in dark wet things with no second thoughts, crawling around on the floor, marker/paint/glue all over, stickers hiding on through the wash...you know how that ruins clothes. So anyhow, she flew out the door without gloves today. Nice. Minnesota Nice.
She is getting discharged from speech therapy that she has had for 6 years. Don't know why, but it makes me sad. I guess it feels like there is little hope for her deficits. Granted, she has many skills and I know she can do good at life; however, there are some significant glitches in her processing, memory, and communication that will forever challenge her. We are going to address the attention, as therapy suggested and next week we will be meeting with our doctor to try something for the ADHD. I am totally in favor, as she is such a little Fuzzy that I think it will curb some of the ODD tendencies as well and I hope she can escape such future with.
Lue has broke, and in his anti-med theories, has come to terms with Fuzzy's ODD and asked that we medicate him. Going from sober to 2 on meds? I guess so. It does not define who they are as people, just might help us through this phase in life, as for Fuzzy, it is hard to be level headed with his only goal is to throw you off from that. And Happy, well it might help her neurological busyness tone down, as the Audiologist said. I am willing to use medication to see progress and hopefully it will be true progress and medication will not be a long-term thing here.
Until someone gets it, we often feel judged and perceived as being too harsh or critical of their interests. No! Their interests drive everyone INSANE!! So I am not sure what the headphones and batteries are for, but we will have to have the conversation again that school is for learning and they do not bring stuff with them. I hope he had a walkman or something, but I didn't have time to find out, so my only choice was to eliminate the obvious. Batteries and cords, cell phones, and gadgets have an emotional hold on these boys! It is just bizarre! I attribute Buzzy's to the ASD; however, Fuzzy- thinking that is more trauma related or RAD- I guess those same could be true for Buzzy. Oh well, don't know, just deal with it!
Happy has lost another glove, and unfortunately it is her 2nd right one, or she would have two beautiful gloves to wear, just not together! Her lack of concern to her possessions is frustrating because I feel like I should never give her anything new or nice. Cutting holes in things, sitting in dark wet things with no second thoughts, crawling around on the floor, marker/paint/glue all over, stickers hiding on through the wash...you know how that ruins clothes. So anyhow, she flew out the door without gloves today. Nice. Minnesota Nice.
She is getting discharged from speech therapy that she has had for 6 years. Don't know why, but it makes me sad. I guess it feels like there is little hope for her deficits. Granted, she has many skills and I know she can do good at life; however, there are some significant glitches in her processing, memory, and communication that will forever challenge her. We are going to address the attention, as therapy suggested and next week we will be meeting with our doctor to try something for the ADHD. I am totally in favor, as she is such a little Fuzzy that I think it will curb some of the ODD tendencies as well and I hope she can escape such future with.
Lue has broke, and in his anti-med theories, has come to terms with Fuzzy's ODD and asked that we medicate him. Going from sober to 2 on meds? I guess so. It does not define who they are as people, just might help us through this phase in life, as for Fuzzy, it is hard to be level headed with his only goal is to throw you off from that. And Happy, well it might help her neurological busyness tone down, as the Audiologist said. I am willing to use medication to see progress and hopefully it will be true progress and medication will not be a long-term thing here.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
rubbing it in?
not sure if she just doesn't get it, or if it is her way of making pokes at me, but a good friend always seems to question my decisions regarding the level of involvement to social and or academic things for my special needs kids. like i am having my step daughters take private spanish with me and then she is asking if any of the other kids are doing it.
can they even answer a question in english?
can they have a normal conversation in english?
and yet here i go, making excuses and being put on the spot as if i am punishing them or excluding them, when in reality i am the parent and i have decided i am not interested in working on anything more than i already do or HAVE to with them. yeah, like i am going to add bilingualism to their expectations. are you kidding me?!
someday i will defend my rights and turn the finger back to her, as i question the intentions of such statements. basically she doesn't agree with some of the limits i have for parenting expectations to my kids. and she is involved with us, but evidently thinks that i am punishing them for their disability. while really the only one being punished if they were afforded some of these opportunities is me or my budget. i am not going to invest in opportunities when there is such a lack of everyday communication abilities. NOT GOING TO DO IT! i am not sending my boys to youth group retreats because i do not feel, they are at the level to which it is intended and it would cause great anxiety and them to bug out and then i absorb that and it just ISNT WORTH IT! is that fair to them? don't know don't care. when an opportunity becomes a liability i am just not interested. i would have to feel there would be REAL advantages to then commit to that obligation. that is why i am called the mom right? i am in charge! if my boys could make friendships and have real relationships outside of our home i may be more inclined to pay for them to go to social events geared at training them. right now, not on the agenda. if we can figure out elapsed time, maybe i would. whatever, i am just sick of defending my position of non-involvement in certain areas. until you walk my walk and actually live day in and day out- i am not talking about an overnight and the kids playing. i am talking about a power outage or two step directions DAY IN AND DAY OUT WITH NO PROGRESS, you wouldn't spend your time or money on certain things either. so BACK OFF!
can they even answer a question in english?
can they have a normal conversation in english?
and yet here i go, making excuses and being put on the spot as if i am punishing them or excluding them, when in reality i am the parent and i have decided i am not interested in working on anything more than i already do or HAVE to with them. yeah, like i am going to add bilingualism to their expectations. are you kidding me?!
someday i will defend my rights and turn the finger back to her, as i question the intentions of such statements. basically she doesn't agree with some of the limits i have for parenting expectations to my kids. and she is involved with us, but evidently thinks that i am punishing them for their disability. while really the only one being punished if they were afforded some of these opportunities is me or my budget. i am not going to invest in opportunities when there is such a lack of everyday communication abilities. NOT GOING TO DO IT! i am not sending my boys to youth group retreats because i do not feel, they are at the level to which it is intended and it would cause great anxiety and them to bug out and then i absorb that and it just ISNT WORTH IT! is that fair to them? don't know don't care. when an opportunity becomes a liability i am just not interested. i would have to feel there would be REAL advantages to then commit to that obligation. that is why i am called the mom right? i am in charge! if my boys could make friendships and have real relationships outside of our home i may be more inclined to pay for them to go to social events geared at training them. right now, not on the agenda. if we can figure out elapsed time, maybe i would. whatever, i am just sick of defending my position of non-involvement in certain areas. until you walk my walk and actually live day in and day out- i am not talking about an overnight and the kids playing. i am talking about a power outage or two step directions DAY IN AND DAY OUT WITH NO PROGRESS, you wouldn't spend your time or money on certain things either. so BACK OFF!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
hmph
i am sad that i dont really have any friends that understand me.
i wish that my kids were not so disabled in such quirky ways.
i wonder what my life would be like had i not gotten wrapped up in that guy.
i think most days my life is really painful.
i try to be focused and purposeful but it doesnt always work.
i am crying because i am alone.
i wish that we were not beaten down with special needs.
i wonder what life would be like if people could see my heart and copy that.
i think normal is over ratted, but i long for that.
i try to be fair, but it just isnt the same no matter what.
i am daydreaming of a lesser responsibility time in my life.
i wish that people did things for me sometimes or that i had a mentor.
i wonder who of my kids will be independent adults.
i think for being thirty something i should be able to spell independent, sentence, and receive
i try to make things simple, really, i do
i am sitting in the dark with lue, lilme, and lilone sleeping. the rest are luckily absent.
i wish that i could always be positive and not get drug down with lies and worldly crap.
i wonder if i will get to have friends some day.
i think lue is my best friend but can't remember his blog name, so hope that is right:)
i try to be a light in the darkness and LIGHT PREVAILS!
i am going to be the best mom these kids could ever have.
i wish that my family would continue to bond and blend and build lasting commitments.
i wonder what the gates of heaven will be like. i will wait upon the LORD.
i think too much.
i say too much.
and write?
never.
i wish that my kids were not so disabled in such quirky ways.
i wonder what my life would be like had i not gotten wrapped up in that guy.
i think most days my life is really painful.
i try to be focused and purposeful but it doesnt always work.
i am crying because i am alone.
i wish that we were not beaten down with special needs.
i wonder what life would be like if people could see my heart and copy that.
i think normal is over ratted, but i long for that.
i try to be fair, but it just isnt the same no matter what.
i am daydreaming of a lesser responsibility time in my life.
i wish that people did things for me sometimes or that i had a mentor.
i wonder who of my kids will be independent adults.
i think for being thirty something i should be able to spell independent, sentence, and receive
i try to make things simple, really, i do
i am sitting in the dark with lue, lilme, and lilone sleeping. the rest are luckily absent.
i wish that i could always be positive and not get drug down with lies and worldly crap.
i wonder if i will get to have friends some day.
i think lue is my best friend but can't remember his blog name, so hope that is right:)
i try to be a light in the darkness and LIGHT PREVAILS!
i am going to be the best mom these kids could ever have.
i wish that my family would continue to bond and blend and build lasting commitments.
i wonder what the gates of heaven will be like. i will wait upon the LORD.
i think too much.
i say too much.
and write?
never.
IEPS go til 21
YiKes!
I learned emancipation language years ago as a child support officer, that support continues until age 18 or graduation through age 21, whichever comes later. But yet in my mind, the countdown, on a bad day. The daydream of life after so many years, was figuring that my boys would graduate as seniors. Not so.
After meeting with a county disabilities worker, she has made it clear that the state law is that both boys receive transition skill building and that is what happens 19-21. So that is good news, and also big news. Not that another couple years will matter at this point; however, just the math of it all- even with bedroom occupancy it makes things different.
Fuzzy's ready for a haircut again. Too bad we think hygiene factors are not compatible with long hair, that seems to be trendy and it would be so much easier! But easy cannot be our goal. No one ever said it would be easy and often times easy is lazy. We are hard working midwestern folk that need to instill that in every aspect of our lives. We are modeling marriage, work ethic, communication, and so many other lessons that we don't even realize. I just hope they dismiss the negatives and take the positives. There may be for the power of prayer!
Then I got Hall now finding me on FB, said I just cannot emotionally handle a relationship, but someday (like in 14 years?) I would love to. I directed her to the blog, not this one of course. Nobody reads this one! This is just for me. My secret diary that is open to the public.
I learned emancipation language years ago as a child support officer, that support continues until age 18 or graduation through age 21, whichever comes later. But yet in my mind, the countdown, on a bad day. The daydream of life after so many years, was figuring that my boys would graduate as seniors. Not so.
After meeting with a county disabilities worker, she has made it clear that the state law is that both boys receive transition skill building and that is what happens 19-21. So that is good news, and also big news. Not that another couple years will matter at this point; however, just the math of it all- even with bedroom occupancy it makes things different.
Fuzzy's ready for a haircut again. Too bad we think hygiene factors are not compatible with long hair, that seems to be trendy and it would be so much easier! But easy cannot be our goal. No one ever said it would be easy and often times easy is lazy. We are hard working midwestern folk that need to instill that in every aspect of our lives. We are modeling marriage, work ethic, communication, and so many other lessons that we don't even realize. I just hope they dismiss the negatives and take the positives. There may be for the power of prayer!
Then I got Hall now finding me on FB, said I just cannot emotionally handle a relationship, but someday (like in 14 years?) I would love to. I directed her to the blog, not this one of course. Nobody reads this one! This is just for me. My secret diary that is open to the public.
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