Spring break with the boys, only Monday left yet. I love school so much, I can't believe I consider home schooling. When would I get a break? It is funny, because with their developmental delays sometimes they act 2,4,6,or 8; yet, sometimes they can be age appropriate. But that is not so often!
Yesterday Buzzy had a PCA help him prepare a hotdish for supper. I think the 3 hours that took wasn't worth the reward of not having to cook dinner. How selfless do we have to be? His advantages possibly outweigh my disadvantages, but seriously? Hogging up my kitchen for 3 hours, I wish there were a test kitchen he could use or something. The day before she had taken him to the store and he bought the ingredients we didn't have. He was so giddy when he came home. I struggle with finding compassion sometimes because the father of lies tells me they are annoying. But how sad is that if your own mother finds you annoying and somedays it feels like they can't do anything right. Yuck! That is my problem, and I cannot make it theirs. Fake it til you make it. I do love them more than words and am passionate for their success, but so many barriers with their communication, cognitive and processing skills, I would offer that I wasn't really cut out for this. I know that God chose me to be their mom and he knew what types of challenges I would bear, and by the power of his name my reward will be in heaven!
I am free in Christ, and even though I would ask if he ever was surrounded by retarded people all day, likely not; however, to show love and be love are what I am called to do- even when it is hard!
Something else on my mind, is the international vs. domestic adoption opinions I have. I think I will do a post on my other blog to discuss this, but many people from our church are all worried about kids on reese's rainbow and one little girl from russia costs 33k! Can you imagine! And I know so much more than these kindhearted people, that she likely has FASD and will be such a challenge and financially too. No secondary coverage there folks! At one point, if it wasn't for our secondary medical coverage our therapy bills would have exceeded 900$ a month! Now, the state doesn't occur any expense either since they have to write it off- that is why dentists don't like MA and they are in a different category then medical professionals that cannot deny patients.
So there are some rants for now...and looking forward to my little routines to come on Tuesday after a weekend and only 2 more days of my boys here looking for direction.
Therapy news, all 3 are done. Buzzy capped out with skills are 8-9 years old (mind you he is nearly 15,) Happy as well- after over 6 years of therapy it just isn't helping on those areas that we will likely forever accomodate. I dropped Fuzzy because I don't want to use my PCA hours with just him in the car for an hour and we are doing some home programming now.
Happy Friday!! Blessings to the world!!
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