not sure if she just doesn't get it, or if it is her way of making pokes at me, but a good friend always seems to question my decisions regarding the level of involvement to social and or academic things for my special needs kids. like i am having my step daughters take private spanish with me and then she is asking if any of the other kids are doing it.
can they even answer a question in english?
can they have a normal conversation in english?
and yet here i go, making excuses and being put on the spot as if i am punishing them or excluding them, when in reality i am the parent and i have decided i am not interested in working on anything more than i already do or HAVE to with them. yeah, like i am going to add bilingualism to their expectations. are you kidding me?!
someday i will defend my rights and turn the finger back to her, as i question the intentions of such statements. basically she doesn't agree with some of the limits i have for parenting expectations to my kids. and she is involved with us, but evidently thinks that i am punishing them for their disability. while really the only one being punished if they were afforded some of these opportunities is me or my budget. i am not going to invest in opportunities when there is such a lack of everyday communication abilities. NOT GOING TO DO IT! i am not sending my boys to youth group retreats because i do not feel, they are at the level to which it is intended and it would cause great anxiety and them to bug out and then i absorb that and it just ISNT WORTH IT! is that fair to them? don't know don't care. when an opportunity becomes a liability i am just not interested. i would have to feel there would be REAL advantages to then commit to that obligation. that is why i am called the mom right? i am in charge! if my boys could make friendships and have real relationships outside of our home i may be more inclined to pay for them to go to social events geared at training them. right now, not on the agenda. if we can figure out elapsed time, maybe i would. whatever, i am just sick of defending my position of non-involvement in certain areas. until you walk my walk and actually live day in and day out- i am not talking about an overnight and the kids playing. i am talking about a power outage or two step directions DAY IN AND DAY OUT WITH NO PROGRESS, you wouldn't spend your time or money on certain things either. so BACK OFF!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
hmph
i am sad that i dont really have any friends that understand me.
i wish that my kids were not so disabled in such quirky ways.
i wonder what my life would be like had i not gotten wrapped up in that guy.
i think most days my life is really painful.
i try to be focused and purposeful but it doesnt always work.
i am crying because i am alone.
i wish that we were not beaten down with special needs.
i wonder what life would be like if people could see my heart and copy that.
i think normal is over ratted, but i long for that.
i try to be fair, but it just isnt the same no matter what.
i am daydreaming of a lesser responsibility time in my life.
i wish that people did things for me sometimes or that i had a mentor.
i wonder who of my kids will be independent adults.
i think for being thirty something i should be able to spell independent, sentence, and receive
i try to make things simple, really, i do
i am sitting in the dark with lue, lilme, and lilone sleeping. the rest are luckily absent.
i wish that i could always be positive and not get drug down with lies and worldly crap.
i wonder if i will get to have friends some day.
i think lue is my best friend but can't remember his blog name, so hope that is right:)
i try to be a light in the darkness and LIGHT PREVAILS!
i am going to be the best mom these kids could ever have.
i wish that my family would continue to bond and blend and build lasting commitments.
i wonder what the gates of heaven will be like. i will wait upon the LORD.
i think too much.
i say too much.
and write?
never.
i wish that my kids were not so disabled in such quirky ways.
i wonder what my life would be like had i not gotten wrapped up in that guy.
i think most days my life is really painful.
i try to be focused and purposeful but it doesnt always work.
i am crying because i am alone.
i wish that we were not beaten down with special needs.
i wonder what life would be like if people could see my heart and copy that.
i think normal is over ratted, but i long for that.
i try to be fair, but it just isnt the same no matter what.
i am daydreaming of a lesser responsibility time in my life.
i wish that people did things for me sometimes or that i had a mentor.
i wonder who of my kids will be independent adults.
i think for being thirty something i should be able to spell independent, sentence, and receive
i try to make things simple, really, i do
i am sitting in the dark with lue, lilme, and lilone sleeping. the rest are luckily absent.
i wish that i could always be positive and not get drug down with lies and worldly crap.
i wonder if i will get to have friends some day.
i think lue is my best friend but can't remember his blog name, so hope that is right:)
i try to be a light in the darkness and LIGHT PREVAILS!
i am going to be the best mom these kids could ever have.
i wish that my family would continue to bond and blend and build lasting commitments.
i wonder what the gates of heaven will be like. i will wait upon the LORD.
i think too much.
i say too much.
and write?
never.
IEPS go til 21
YiKes!
I learned emancipation language years ago as a child support officer, that support continues until age 18 or graduation through age 21, whichever comes later. But yet in my mind, the countdown, on a bad day. The daydream of life after so many years, was figuring that my boys would graduate as seniors. Not so.
After meeting with a county disabilities worker, she has made it clear that the state law is that both boys receive transition skill building and that is what happens 19-21. So that is good news, and also big news. Not that another couple years will matter at this point; however, just the math of it all- even with bedroom occupancy it makes things different.
Fuzzy's ready for a haircut again. Too bad we think hygiene factors are not compatible with long hair, that seems to be trendy and it would be so much easier! But easy cannot be our goal. No one ever said it would be easy and often times easy is lazy. We are hard working midwestern folk that need to instill that in every aspect of our lives. We are modeling marriage, work ethic, communication, and so many other lessons that we don't even realize. I just hope they dismiss the negatives and take the positives. There may be for the power of prayer!
Then I got Hall now finding me on FB, said I just cannot emotionally handle a relationship, but someday (like in 14 years?) I would love to. I directed her to the blog, not this one of course. Nobody reads this one! This is just for me. My secret diary that is open to the public.
I learned emancipation language years ago as a child support officer, that support continues until age 18 or graduation through age 21, whichever comes later. But yet in my mind, the countdown, on a bad day. The daydream of life after so many years, was figuring that my boys would graduate as seniors. Not so.
After meeting with a county disabilities worker, she has made it clear that the state law is that both boys receive transition skill building and that is what happens 19-21. So that is good news, and also big news. Not that another couple years will matter at this point; however, just the math of it all- even with bedroom occupancy it makes things different.
Fuzzy's ready for a haircut again. Too bad we think hygiene factors are not compatible with long hair, that seems to be trendy and it would be so much easier! But easy cannot be our goal. No one ever said it would be easy and often times easy is lazy. We are hard working midwestern folk that need to instill that in every aspect of our lives. We are modeling marriage, work ethic, communication, and so many other lessons that we don't even realize. I just hope they dismiss the negatives and take the positives. There may be for the power of prayer!
Then I got Hall now finding me on FB, said I just cannot emotionally handle a relationship, but someday (like in 14 years?) I would love to. I directed her to the blog, not this one of course. Nobody reads this one! This is just for me. My secret diary that is open to the public.
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