when last year, i discovered buzzy had been soliciting sellers on craigslist with ridiculous offers on electronics, mainly phones, i talked to the case manager because he is essentially targeting himself as handicapped and i am not comfortable with that. who would be? oh yeah, ok, we'll keep an eye on that.
guess who is searching craigslist again at school?
i am totally disgusted with this and do not even know how to be nice about it, but really, does he need internet free time in his 7 hours at school? i beg to differ and unless he is totally supervised, he should not be in the computer lab as he cannot be trusted to not endanger himself.
waiting to her from lue to see where he stuck the ipad buzzy gets to use on saturdays so i can see his sent box. he is sneaky enough though that is not even for sure, he may understand to delete that. as slow as he is in so many things, he has manipulation and sneakyness to a t.
waiting for a call back from the case manager too. if they cannot assure me that he has supervised internet that they can transfer his records today. yuck!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
not so funny
8 yo:
"i went to kiss her and then suddenly accidentally bit her" about why the 1 yo is crying. nice. oh the joys of dd, no logic, impulsiveness!
thankful for the school bus though and the grace of God!
"i went to kiss her and then suddenly accidentally bit her" about why the 1 yo is crying. nice. oh the joys of dd, no logic, impulsiveness!
thankful for the school bus though and the grace of God!
Friday, July 1, 2011
why i am mad
i am mad because i learned that school was letting 8th grade Buzzy, sit around on the computer.
i knew it was happening, and i had made minor comments to the teacher, but was hoping that i was overreacting. the internet is so wide spread these days, and maybe buzzy bounces like any other 15 year old would, and is checking ebay and craislist without their knowledge, but i highly doubt that. plus, what is he supposed to be doing?
the new case manager, at the high school- who probably doesnt realize the weight on her shoulders, because i am so tired of him getting a shitty education. two weeks. and then district change and if i am not happy by christmas i will do that virtual acadmy or something.
the new teacher then, she said it was maybe happening at lunch.
i said that if it cannot be confirmed that he not be making online contact with strangers, essentially targeting himself, then i will not be sending him so i need to know. i am not negotiating this. would you?
this is why:
he sent numerous emails to craigslist people selling phones on craigslist, making offers as low as $3 or up to $20. One person replied and then insulted him because the 20$ offer was for a 500$ phone. He even sent an email on accident to david, and responds to junk mail. Like the facebook account he set up, and he created a new name for internet, a common name- like John. Then opened up various accounts, like with some newspapers and where he gets tons of junk emails. He didn't remember the facebook password and hadn't ever done anything on it. But I told him he should have told me that. Now Fuzzy on the other hand, he even made 7 friends and understands how that works. For him I just changed the password and when they earn the internet back, the 20th, I will consider letting them have a page on their own. I just want to be supervising their activities or contacts- raising vulnerable kids is SO HARD! And people dont really get it until a situation arises and it becomes clear that there is minimal understanding or regard to what may be happening.
Buzzy lies about things and with his memory impairments it makes things tough.
I just don't know if I can handle the boys emotional energy for such constant things, and if they cannot be trusted then how do I keep them safe? There are people that actually hurt retarded people.
Just yesterday our case worker with Lifeworks reminded me of how we are doing the best we can and it is a tough job. Everyone will be just fine. And we are minor to some folks! I might have a 13 year old leak through pull ups and finally after years of my torture, he is being medicated and not doing that as much. I pray that lilman does not have bed wetting issues. They say it runs in the family, but they say that to me knowing that i have always primarily attributing it to the parenting and potty training process. So I can admit that by letting cute lilman sleep soundly and I change his diaper at night is not a good idea. I guess I am thinking when he turns four. He is like a four year old too though, so the diapers need to be done.
So, moving into the new school year, I will be quick to address last years case manager, whom I grew less and less favorable to over working with her the last 2 years. Do I bring this to higher authority attention? Or just be clear to her that Fuzzy also can be choosing other activities and will not be unsupervised to contact strangers either. I just do not feel there is reason to be doing that without both boys having an adult know that it is not targeting them or subjecting them for any recourse. And I am not sure if they will ever understand, so unsure how you could teach that. I do want to be texting with Buzzy, he has an ipod- I facilitated and assisted him in buying that from craigslist. I bet he thinks he is learning from me, poor kid. He just doesn't understand money or has some little glitches in trade/resale/exchange peice.
The different deficits of funciton are visible in various aspects yet, not entirely linked to lack of ability as a whole. Quite complex circuit board registry. Definitly honored to be safeguarding that treasure and their hearts are pure. Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. I do to, I just wish it didn't come with such pain sometimes. The price has been paid, I know I need to be focused on what is right, and that is raising my babies the best I can. For that I am blessed! so i am not mad...just needed to vent!
i knew it was happening, and i had made minor comments to the teacher, but was hoping that i was overreacting. the internet is so wide spread these days, and maybe buzzy bounces like any other 15 year old would, and is checking ebay and craislist without their knowledge, but i highly doubt that. plus, what is he supposed to be doing?
the new case manager, at the high school- who probably doesnt realize the weight on her shoulders, because i am so tired of him getting a shitty education. two weeks. and then district change and if i am not happy by christmas i will do that virtual acadmy or something.
the new teacher then, she said it was maybe happening at lunch.
i said that if it cannot be confirmed that he not be making online contact with strangers, essentially targeting himself, then i will not be sending him so i need to know. i am not negotiating this. would you?
this is why:
he sent numerous emails to craigslist people selling phones on craigslist, making offers as low as $3 or up to $20. One person replied and then insulted him because the 20$ offer was for a 500$ phone. He even sent an email on accident to david, and responds to junk mail. Like the facebook account he set up, and he created a new name for internet, a common name- like John. Then opened up various accounts, like with some newspapers and where he gets tons of junk emails. He didn't remember the facebook password and hadn't ever done anything on it. But I told him he should have told me that. Now Fuzzy on the other hand, he even made 7 friends and understands how that works. For him I just changed the password and when they earn the internet back, the 20th, I will consider letting them have a page on their own. I just want to be supervising their activities or contacts- raising vulnerable kids is SO HARD! And people dont really get it until a situation arises and it becomes clear that there is minimal understanding or regard to what may be happening.
Buzzy lies about things and with his memory impairments it makes things tough.
I just don't know if I can handle the boys emotional energy for such constant things, and if they cannot be trusted then how do I keep them safe? There are people that actually hurt retarded people.
Just yesterday our case worker with Lifeworks reminded me of how we are doing the best we can and it is a tough job. Everyone will be just fine. And we are minor to some folks! I might have a 13 year old leak through pull ups and finally after years of my torture, he is being medicated and not doing that as much. I pray that lilman does not have bed wetting issues. They say it runs in the family, but they say that to me knowing that i have always primarily attributing it to the parenting and potty training process. So I can admit that by letting cute lilman sleep soundly and I change his diaper at night is not a good idea. I guess I am thinking when he turns four. He is like a four year old too though, so the diapers need to be done.
So, moving into the new school year, I will be quick to address last years case manager, whom I grew less and less favorable to over working with her the last 2 years. Do I bring this to higher authority attention? Or just be clear to her that Fuzzy also can be choosing other activities and will not be unsupervised to contact strangers either. I just do not feel there is reason to be doing that without both boys having an adult know that it is not targeting them or subjecting them for any recourse. And I am not sure if they will ever understand, so unsure how you could teach that. I do want to be texting with Buzzy, he has an ipod- I facilitated and assisted him in buying that from craigslist. I bet he thinks he is learning from me, poor kid. He just doesn't understand money or has some little glitches in trade/resale/exchange peice.
The different deficits of funciton are visible in various aspects yet, not entirely linked to lack of ability as a whole. Quite complex circuit board registry. Definitly honored to be safeguarding that treasure and their hearts are pure. Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. I do to, I just wish it didn't come with such pain sometimes. The price has been paid, I know I need to be focused on what is right, and that is raising my babies the best I can. For that I am blessed! so i am not mad...just needed to vent!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Rapid Respit
As in meaning that I we are using lots of hours now, they expire in June and we were told to use them or we will not be able to get services someday if we really need them and it is good for us and the kids.
Tonight they are going over to the new girls and doing a parade among other things, I am sure they enjoy that focused cognitive therapy that we cannot provide. Even Lillu has progressed in certain concepts that make some repeated conversation and general topics beyond my capacity at that point. Having these names really throws me off. I should have picked better ones that have some meaning or something, I am like...what's their name? whatever the little bio boy.
so i need to print and finalize my pca schedule this summer and we are doing 9 hours a week of 1:1, more than we usually do in a month! So i hope that we see some progress for the kids. Fuzzy has been off his rocker lately with the ODD. And we tried zoloft, it didnt work! Now I feel discouraged to meet with the psyciatrist, but really that is what we should do. It is borderline intolerable because it goes with no rhyme or reason and only continually ostracizes him. Excuse me while I go look up that word.
Tonight they are going over to the new girls and doing a parade among other things, I am sure they enjoy that focused cognitive therapy that we cannot provide. Even Lillu has progressed in certain concepts that make some repeated conversation and general topics beyond my capacity at that point. Having these names really throws me off. I should have picked better ones that have some meaning or something, I am like...what's their name? whatever the little bio boy.
so i need to print and finalize my pca schedule this summer and we are doing 9 hours a week of 1:1, more than we usually do in a month! So i hope that we see some progress for the kids. Fuzzy has been off his rocker lately with the ODD. And we tried zoloft, it didnt work! Now I feel discouraged to meet with the psyciatrist, but really that is what we should do. It is borderline intolerable because it goes with no rhyme or reason and only continually ostracizes him. Excuse me while I go look up that word.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
summer calendar
i am so excited to do my calendar. every summer and every school year, and every new year...I get to get some markers and hash up a clean crisp, empty month. Well they are starting to get scattered and randomly filled with various appointments and obligations.
today my main pca is bringing her summer schedule, and just yesterday I go the boys summer schedule. we will be ready to roll. we are for the first time ever using the hours for a 1:1 theraputic setting with various themes with attempt to improve function that requires assistance to begin with. Sounds like fun, I know...but i really have mixed feelings about that commotion it may bring in the home, that is why we are going to be a set schedule and minimize transitions, those are most annoying around here.
also doing something big, and I am trying not to play the guilt game. but as that therapist said, if people don't understand our needs for respite then they just don't get it and that doesn't matter to me or what we need anyone of us in our family.
we need to go on a vacation setting and get to experience that without the constant chaos. also, the girls, being with their dad every other weekend, and than having so much consumption with the different special needs of each child- well they need to have some time in a less structured environment that things always need to be at home for the best of everyone. following me here...it's just what we are doing. and it should be a great time. i am really looking forward to it. we are doing respite on that friday, and so i will have the whole day to get everyone ready and then. then if uncle or grandma and grandpa don't come up then we will try and sucker a pca into doing it- but waiting on Lue to find out for sure, as it really preferred. Lua has drivers ed in the morning, well she is checking with her friend- evidently the dates were wrong and it is a secret what the real dates are or something. Small town water tower scandal. heard of it? just kidding. but then the girls will get a ride home with someone too. it is a win win. a night of respite, a night of all 8, a night of our regular 6. win win win. put that on your calendar!
today my main pca is bringing her summer schedule, and just yesterday I go the boys summer schedule. we will be ready to roll. we are for the first time ever using the hours for a 1:1 theraputic setting with various themes with attempt to improve function that requires assistance to begin with. Sounds like fun, I know...but i really have mixed feelings about that commotion it may bring in the home, that is why we are going to be a set schedule and minimize transitions, those are most annoying around here.
also doing something big, and I am trying not to play the guilt game. but as that therapist said, if people don't understand our needs for respite then they just don't get it and that doesn't matter to me or what we need anyone of us in our family.
we need to go on a vacation setting and get to experience that without the constant chaos. also, the girls, being with their dad every other weekend, and than having so much consumption with the different special needs of each child- well they need to have some time in a less structured environment that things always need to be at home for the best of everyone. following me here...it's just what we are doing. and it should be a great time. i am really looking forward to it. we are doing respite on that friday, and so i will have the whole day to get everyone ready and then. then if uncle or grandma and grandpa don't come up then we will try and sucker a pca into doing it- but waiting on Lue to find out for sure, as it really preferred. Lua has drivers ed in the morning, well she is checking with her friend- evidently the dates were wrong and it is a secret what the real dates are or something. Small town water tower scandal. heard of it? just kidding. but then the girls will get a ride home with someone too. it is a win win. a night of respite, a night of all 8, a night of our regular 6. win win win. put that on your calendar!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
New Respite Plans
After meeting with a psychologist for Fuzzy, I have again come to terms that respite is okay and is better for our whole family then any snickers of division. People that do not understand what our lives look like and our needs to regroup need not snicker. And if they do, I guess I need to build up that wall.
We are having a new PCA that is interested in respite do a night this weekend. For the first time ever, I am excited because there is no emotional relationship with her and I and so we will get this right the first time, not keep hoping that it works out.
Why doesn't it work out? Because we have felt that the respite used in the past winds up being nothing structured for the kids, and we would like that. Then, our "break" is usually bitter sweet when we realize that they haven't bathed, have icky dirty nails, wrecked clothing and shoes, and other situations that make us feel that the care is not really what we had in mind. This is, and I am so excited. We are going to make it a camp out fun time for them, like a mini vacation...and I can't wait!
I purposely scheduled it for the girls weekend here, but now they likely won't be joining us til Saturday anyhow. They have had lots of drama lately on their time here, so not complaining. Clearly reflects the negativity they are consumed with in their other home. If only we could get them more, but in the mean time we will take what we can get and hope for the best.
So for this I am most excited for the weekend! Fuzzy has been purposely guzzling water to wet through his new pullups because we are having them delivered now from a medical supply company. Then for the 3rd day in a row after "leaking" he lied about the sheets, didn't want them washed!%*#@% if that tells you anything. YikEs!
I am going to valleyfair with Buzzy in June with school, so that will be tons of fun (I really hope because I love that place...please let me enjoy it Buzzy!!) Wishing for this feeling of cheer to continue into the summer when all the kids are home too, not just now at 709 when the 4 have left and the little two are still sawing logs. Have a great day...I know I will!
We are having a new PCA that is interested in respite do a night this weekend. For the first time ever, I am excited because there is no emotional relationship with her and I and so we will get this right the first time, not keep hoping that it works out.
Why doesn't it work out? Because we have felt that the respite used in the past winds up being nothing structured for the kids, and we would like that. Then, our "break" is usually bitter sweet when we realize that they haven't bathed, have icky dirty nails, wrecked clothing and shoes, and other situations that make us feel that the care is not really what we had in mind. This is, and I am so excited. We are going to make it a camp out fun time for them, like a mini vacation...and I can't wait!
I purposely scheduled it for the girls weekend here, but now they likely won't be joining us til Saturday anyhow. They have had lots of drama lately on their time here, so not complaining. Clearly reflects the negativity they are consumed with in their other home. If only we could get them more, but in the mean time we will take what we can get and hope for the best.
So for this I am most excited for the weekend! Fuzzy has been purposely guzzling water to wet through his new pullups because we are having them delivered now from a medical supply company. Then for the 3rd day in a row after "leaking" he lied about the sheets, didn't want them washed!%*#@% if that tells you anything. YikEs!
I am going to valleyfair with Buzzy in June with school, so that will be tons of fun (I really hope because I love that place...please let me enjoy it Buzzy!!) Wishing for this feeling of cheer to continue into the summer when all the kids are home too, not just now at 709 when the 4 have left and the little two are still sawing logs. Have a great day...I know I will!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Happy's IEP
Not really looking forward to that crap today. IEP= Individualized Education Plan. But I am not happy with hers. Her processing and memory impairments are not apparent in the 2nd grade classroom setting and therefore there is a great difference in the girl we are discussing from home to school.
I tell myself that is fine, and when they give her greater independence and less structure- such as at home, they will be surprised to learn that she is not really where they think she is!
The report card was downright false, saying she tells time and communicates well. Really? Have you talked to her lately? Whatever, I will be supportive of her education and just advocate for her to receive services as they are offered to her. I have fought for what she gets as of now. Last year they were not going to test her in communication.
I said they were. They did. The parents is always right, if they are not sure then call in the big dogs. I like big dogs! But Happy is a tricky kid and I understand that her expectations right now are not identifying her specific and quirky challenges. Executive functioning...4th/5th grade? I hate waiting, but unless I want to do it myself I have to just sit and wait. Sit down and shut up is what I have coined the district's roadblocks to qualifications. I can do that, but someday I will not have to and they will see what we see and my baby will keep making improvements with our without their constant understanding of her issues.
So Lue isn't crazy about IEPs but I like numbers and feeling like I am not alone against them, maybe I should see if a PCA will go with me. Lue says he isn't following the meetings always anyhow. I thought it would be good because we have Lua's IEP meeting (they require an annual meeting) next Monday. Thought it would stir up his intellect. Then I decided fine, I am so tired of orchastrating child care and what have you, why should I feel bad of asking my inlaws to babysit? They live less than a mile away, you'd think I could get them weekly. But I hate asking. Lue would rather not go and so I am compensating that idea negatively justifying that he usually doesn't contribute much and of course says the wrong things because I am perfect. haha. I guess it doesn't matter. Right now is not much chance to get anything more for her, so I am fine. I am going to pull out my reading charts they have been half-ass providing me. According to the IEP they are non-compliant as they are not sending them weekly.
Why did I fight for the language to get those weekly reports and then not do anything with them? Well not sure. But for todays meeting I will whip them out to show that their weekly goal of hers to gain improvement and the regression with stagnant weeks does not put her anywhere near they intended her skills to be, so what are they going to do about it?
Likely nothing.
We'll see how today goes. Wonder if I will make it through the meeting without crying about my baby they want to slip on through the cracks with bullshit excuses. Sorry for my language...lack of better terms?!
Have a Stellar Day, my couple readers...if any...to the open space of the unknown where i reach my words and tone to the underlying presence my Lord captures my feelings and cradles me kind, with room to grow and leave behind the pain the tears and all my fears. in the end I will surrender to the highest authority who created the world, beginning and end, alpha omega, in the middle of my little mess I remember how much I am blessed... THANK YOU JESUS!
I tell myself that is fine, and when they give her greater independence and less structure- such as at home, they will be surprised to learn that she is not really where they think she is!
The report card was downright false, saying she tells time and communicates well. Really? Have you talked to her lately? Whatever, I will be supportive of her education and just advocate for her to receive services as they are offered to her. I have fought for what she gets as of now. Last year they were not going to test her in communication.
I said they were. They did. The parents is always right, if they are not sure then call in the big dogs. I like big dogs! But Happy is a tricky kid and I understand that her expectations right now are not identifying her specific and quirky challenges. Executive functioning...4th/5th grade? I hate waiting, but unless I want to do it myself I have to just sit and wait. Sit down and shut up is what I have coined the district's roadblocks to qualifications. I can do that, but someday I will not have to and they will see what we see and my baby will keep making improvements with our without their constant understanding of her issues.
So Lue isn't crazy about IEPs but I like numbers and feeling like I am not alone against them, maybe I should see if a PCA will go with me. Lue says he isn't following the meetings always anyhow. I thought it would be good because we have Lua's IEP meeting (they require an annual meeting) next Monday. Thought it would stir up his intellect. Then I decided fine, I am so tired of orchastrating child care and what have you, why should I feel bad of asking my inlaws to babysit? They live less than a mile away, you'd think I could get them weekly. But I hate asking. Lue would rather not go and so I am compensating that idea negatively justifying that he usually doesn't contribute much and of course says the wrong things because I am perfect. haha. I guess it doesn't matter. Right now is not much chance to get anything more for her, so I am fine. I am going to pull out my reading charts they have been half-ass providing me. According to the IEP they are non-compliant as they are not sending them weekly.
Why did I fight for the language to get those weekly reports and then not do anything with them? Well not sure. But for todays meeting I will whip them out to show that their weekly goal of hers to gain improvement and the regression with stagnant weeks does not put her anywhere near they intended her skills to be, so what are they going to do about it?
Likely nothing.
We'll see how today goes. Wonder if I will make it through the meeting without crying about my baby they want to slip on through the cracks with bullshit excuses. Sorry for my language...lack of better terms?!
Have a Stellar Day, my couple readers...if any...to the open space of the unknown where i reach my words and tone to the underlying presence my Lord captures my feelings and cradles me kind, with room to grow and leave behind the pain the tears and all my fears. in the end I will surrender to the highest authority who created the world, beginning and end, alpha omega, in the middle of my little mess I remember how much I am blessed... THANK YOU JESUS!
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