One Down

One down makes a huge difference. Especially when it is one of the tougher ones! Fuzzy is on a trip with school and it has been nice to have less fighting because of his ocd! We met with a psychiatrist and he was started on zoloft, after nothing at 12.5 and nothing at that doubled, I am feeling confident to discontinue it. We didn't fill out the paperwork and forgot it on our weekend trip, so he is pretty much off that . I don't really think there is a med to help, but might discuss this further with the doc. Then I am not in favor of the therapy sessions either...really- with the DCD are we going to get anywhere anyhow? It'd probably be better to save the energy and use that time for some 1 on 1 anyhow.

Buzzy was convinced that he was bit by a poisonous spider last night and told me that even daddy long legs are poisonous. Yikes, he said that his hand was numb, then pointed to a knuckle and then said it was (with his fingers, about an 1/8 inch) just a little bit numb. I wonder if he went to the nurse when he got to school, I could tell that he didn't trust me that there were no poisonous spiders here.

On the note of school- Buzzy came home with a planets presentation board. Funny thing was that one of the points under each planet was how many earth days their years are. I couldn't help but feel objective as he never remembers how many days are in an earth year. The last time he guessed 7 or 8. Now I wonder if the science project was confusing him, as Mercury has 8 days. Atleast now I know that when he answers that may be correct somewhere in the universe. Again, my satisfaction levels are not too high with public schools at this moment. Home schooling would be so sad though, I love that darn bus!!

So Fuzzy gets home tonight, Buzzy was wondering if I was getting him at 5am this morning at about 630am. I said see, this is why you won't stay home by yourself, you don't understand time. Like is that supposed to be a secret? He was full gripe load yesterday when he had to go with to the girls dance because Lue had a long day and couldn't be home in time. Buzzy said, why can't I stay home alone?! I said because you are not staying home alone, you don't even know what time it is. He then was mad at me, saying he does. So is it unfair of me to bring this to his attention then in the revealing moments of his deficits? Maybe I will never know, if done lovingly then I just hope it supports his understanding of our desires for his safety and well being. It's not like we are making things up!

one more day

Spring break with the boys, only Monday left yet. I love school so much, I can't believe I consider home schooling. When would I get a break? It is funny, because with their developmental delays sometimes they act 2,4,6,or 8; yet, sometimes they can be age appropriate. But that is not so often!

Yesterday Buzzy had a PCA help him prepare a hotdish for supper. I think the 3 hours that took wasn't worth the reward of not having to cook dinner. How selfless do we have to be? His advantages possibly outweigh my disadvantages, but seriously? Hogging up my kitchen for 3 hours, I wish there were a test kitchen he could use or something. The day before she had taken him to the store and he bought the ingredients we didn't have. He was so giddy when he came home. I struggle with finding compassion sometimes because the father of lies tells me they are annoying. But how sad is that if your own mother finds you annoying and somedays it feels like they can't do anything right. Yuck! That is my problem, and I cannot make it theirs. Fake it til you make it. I do love them more than words and am passionate for their success, but so many barriers with their communication, cognitive and processing skills, I would offer that I wasn't really cut out for this. I know that God chose me to be their mom and he knew what types of challenges I would bear, and by the power of his name my reward will be in heaven!
I am free in Christ, and even though I would ask if he ever was surrounded by retarded people all day, likely not; however, to show love and be love are what I am called to do- even when it is hard!
Something else on my mind, is the international vs. domestic adoption opinions I have. I think I will do a post on my other blog to discuss this, but many people from our church are all worried about kids on reese's rainbow and one little girl from russia costs 33k! Can you imagine! And I know so much more than these kindhearted people, that she likely has FASD and will be such a challenge and financially too. No secondary coverage there folks! At one point, if it wasn't for our secondary medical coverage our therapy bills would have exceeded 900$ a month! Now, the state doesn't occur any expense either since they have to write it off- that is why dentists don't like MA and they are in a different category then medical professionals that cannot deny patients.
So there are some rants for now...and looking forward to my little routines to come on Tuesday after a weekend and only 2 more days of my boys here looking for direction.

Therapy news, all 3 are done. Buzzy capped out with skills are 8-9 years old (mind you he is nearly 15,) Happy as well- after over 6 years of therapy it just isn't helping on those areas that we will likely forever accomodate. I dropped Fuzzy because I don't want to use my PCA hours with just him in the car for an hour and we are doing some home programming now.

Happy Friday!! Blessings to the world!!

Taxes

that is an advantage to having more kids! I have a wish list every year, even of course that money was long spent ago. I guess they know who to give it to! We have to be the spenders. If we are going to be living in this economy, we should atleast have some fun too though. And by that I mean to be investing your money in your kids.
I am going to start several kids on piano lessons when I get a cool electric piano.
I will book lodging for vacations, that would otherwise not have a dime.
I will try to book my own travels, since Lue doesn't fly. Yeah right, wait til he really wants to go somewhere.

Hiring new PCAs now, we just want to have a couple more on hand and the county implied that if we don't use hours now, then even as soon as after another year, we may be ineligible for the hours. Something about ADLs. I just cant' keep up on those things, people are paid to do that...right! Regardless, she said that she will not have much grounds to refer us to any programs if we are not even using our hours now. Well not sure how much I could stand. Unless they are gone with them, often I find it annoying to be home too. Then I can hear if things are going downhill and they want to be on my lap. I LOVE THE BREAK!! But not as much as I love the kids!! They are so awesome and I sometimes let myself drag on their challenges and let that consume me; however, what consumes me is their resilience, love, innocence, effort and participation.
Probably a new bag.
Maybe a newer van.
Maybe an investment into a family business.
A bench with storage for my front door. The current bench will be used for our table seating.
Storage shelves for kids and family things to better organize the closets for wardrobe/flipping. I am a flipper with a big sale and make $600 while getting first dibs and buying various things for any of my wardrobes. Giving up on the steppers though. I can't find anything they like anymore and they are better off bringing things from their moms house.

BTW i am free and am no longer having a near 40 in my house play mom and live out of laundry baskets because of (MY DIAGNOSED) cognitive emotional related impairments to making decisions, actually I don't know where that lies in the DSM4. is that's what it is called? Again, people are paid for that:) life is good!

maybe bangs or a business

So foster family work didn't go over so well and we have enough of our own problems. Having a dysfunctional 38 yo mom with her 4 kiddos just isn't all that it is cracked up to be!

Transitions

I hope that our decision to take in my s-i-l and her 4 kids will positively impact everyone involved. Because it isn't easy! And if you are 38 and have such a history of unhealthy relationships and emotional instability, I guess this is called foster familying. She is at court today. I just hope it doesn't turn into me telling her that the kids can't/shouldn't go back "home" until school is out. This was their 5th transfer THIS YEAR!!

That was my underlying motivation here, because once again they were in a (self-induced) crisis and they needed a place to go.

It is nice to see interactions with her and my adopted trio though, they are her half-siblings. It is funny though, because we feel like we are convincing her of their disabilities sometimes. In time, I think she has the capacity to understand our concerns. We sometimes get bogged down with labels and the deeper thinking once trained and informed with the psychology of traumatized kids. Her kids are actually traumatized too and her time is up for them to be in foster care and they have had a rough road. SO, this is all in love that we may encourage, model, and support her in being a strong woman able to parent her children and care for herself emotionally as well. That might be impractical and against all odds, but at least we can't say we didn't try...right?

testing testing 123

or not, our sermon series is on radical life. and funny that we were YESTERDAY asked to take in Lue's older sister and her 4 kids. Like we don't have enough going on here. but the answer didn't take long. what's the point here, anyhow?

serve one another, shelter the orphans (and their mother,) feed the poor, selfless, uncomfortable, sharing, caring, give give give.

except some just take take take, but that is not the issue. right now it is what needed to happen, more for those 5 than our 10- but i know that God has a plan for that greater number too- so unfold it!

i am hoping that it will not be more than a couple months, and in the grande scheme of things, not a big deal. i am secretly thinking this is good to see where we are at for adding a few kids down the road:)

lilme immediately cleared her closet and was eager to inform me that she knew where blondie's (her 8 year old cousin sleeping under her lofted bed) socks and under ware would go and where her pj's would go too. yep, takes after her momma. the other day she said that, in pretend play (of course) that she "adopted a few kids from africa and has a few people visiting from colombia." haha where does she come up with this stuff?

i love imagination!!

Distractions at school

So Buzzy made a quick dash to his room before bundling up for school, but on the way out I had to take headphones and a pack of batteries, which then he stomped away. Last week the boys case manager had called and asked that they not have distracting items at school, as unknown to me, Buzzy brought a dead cell phone he found on the street t-th and she had finally told them they couldn't even talk about it in her room. Haha, someone gets it!

Until someone gets it, we often feel judged and perceived as being too harsh or critical of their interests. No! Their interests drive everyone INSANE!! So I am not sure what the headphones and batteries are for, but we will have to have the conversation again that school is for learning and they do not bring stuff with them. I hope he had a walkman or something, but I didn't have time to find out, so my only choice was to eliminate the obvious. Batteries and cords, cell phones, and gadgets have an emotional hold on these boys! It is just bizarre! I attribute Buzzy's to the ASD; however, Fuzzy- thinking that is more trauma related or RAD- I guess those same could be true for Buzzy. Oh well, don't know, just deal with it!

Happy has lost another glove, and unfortunately it is her 2nd right one, or she would have two beautiful gloves to wear, just not together! Her lack of concern to her possessions is frustrating because I feel like I should never give her anything new or nice. Cutting holes in things, sitting in dark wet things with no second thoughts, crawling around on the floor, marker/paint/glue all over, stickers hiding on through the wash...you know how that ruins clothes. So anyhow, she flew out the door without gloves today. Nice. Minnesota Nice.

She is getting discharged from speech therapy that she has had for 6 years. Don't know why, but it makes me sad. I guess it feels like there is little hope for her deficits. Granted, she has many skills and I know she can do good at life; however, there are some significant glitches in her processing, memory, and communication that will forever challenge her. We are going to address the attention, as therapy suggested and next week we will be meeting with our doctor to try something for the ADHD. I am totally in favor, as she is such a little Fuzzy that I think it will curb some of the ODD tendencies as well and I hope she can escape such future with.

Lue has broke, and in his anti-med theories, has come to terms with Fuzzy's ODD and asked that we medicate him. Going from sober to 2 on meds? I guess so. It does not define who they are as people, just might help us through this phase in life, as for Fuzzy, it is hard to be level headed with his only goal is to throw you off from that. And Happy, well it might help her neurological busyness tone down, as the Audiologist said. I am willing to use medication to see progress and hopefully it will be true progress and medication will not be a long-term thing here.