BlendedFamilyOneGoal: Making it

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Making it

the emotional energy it takes to raise these kids is crazy. at the end of the day i know God has me in the right place at the right time, but it is mistaken misery at times! we haven't seen the step girls in a long time too. i am just fine with that right now because i have a tendency to want to fix things, and there are so many things i cannot mend from their upbringing by a person i couldn't disagree with more. raising daughters is hard, and i see that with happy, she is vulnerable and melds in any environment she is in. as a parent, i am not just going to shrug my shoulders and watch her be misguided and mislead. i will likely homeschool her after the elementary experience and do my best to influence her and protect her from the harsh realities waiting to devour her. she is naturally drawn to lower functioning peers, which in turn, have lower functioning parents and thus the cycle remains. i cannot force friends, but i can eliminate options. leaning twards 4h, church, and other recreational activities to form relationships with, not her special ed groups at school! i know it must sound horrible, but she is my kid and i have high hopes for her. i have witnessed a lack of identity and grounding. a lack of understanding to the foundation we work so hard to establish here. we have daily Bible studies, listen to primarily Christian music, the kids all recite the 10 Commandments and other verses, but yet deer in the headlights. not sure what path to take. but with God by my side I will not be afraid to do what is right and what is in her best interest. that is why this is so hard! i wish that my battles with disabilities didn't infringe on my relationships with my bio kids, but it does. it creeps into my existence and shadows my thoughts, it hardens my heart at times and wrestles with my desires to have a fun and relaxing home. i need to overcome the burden mindset though and embrace my challenges and obligations to best serve everyone and not be consumed by my emotions. i cannot be captive to where the world has me, as i am not of this world and through Christ i have been set free. amen to that!

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Confusing Family Tree or Cartoon Reality?

Buzzy and Fuzzy ages 13 and 14...ready for the world...living in the moment. Possible trauma and rad affects their ability to have realistic outlook to life.

Happy is a walking tickle me elmo. Very resilient, yet following some social skills that look like Fuzzy's ODD. Lost services last year after having them since 18 months. Has most benefited from the constant modeling her sister older by 5 days has provided for her.

Lilme, our apparent model, has her own set of issues, and sometimes the questions of what life would have been without the family dynamics changes we created and allowed. Seems to have some behavioral emotional events and can be pretty demanding.

Lillu is keeping up pretty good and is full of energy. Now we just don't want to wreck it!

Liltoo loves everyone and the balance the baby creates is even better than a pet, she has a magical way of bonding our family and lightening many frustrating moments.

Lulee 10 and Lua 14 are testing the waters of independence as they are primarily raised in an environment we have no control over and infact cringe at some of their everyday.

Lue is one hard working hubby that does great. Doesn't have a relationship with his dad- who Buzzy, Fuzzy, and Happy have also as a biological dad.

Retardo, per Spanish pronunciaton, Lue's dad most recently contacted us saying that he needed 15K in two weeks or he would take Lue to court. Years ago, when they abandoned their fire property, Lue retreived as a gift a totally dismanteled vehicle. By totally dismanteled there was not a screw in place.

Retardo and his wife, Hall, blame us for not letting them see their kids even though the other 3 they have no idea where they are.

Farmers, the family that adopted M & A, after we had our homestudy ready and spent thousands of dollars trying to get them. Thought they were trying to kill M and reported them to SS this summer. Blocked my number and removed me from FB. This is a woman that doesn't even talk to her immediate family, so not ready to have any emotional relationship and or reconciliation attempts. She knew that we would have turned them in. The kid weighed 44# and was nearly 11. Lathargic, on a compromising diet (gluten and dairy free) for behaviors. They said last winter they would check in the morning to see if he had made it, like livestock or something.

The oldest of the 6 kids that got taken from Retardo and Hall is in long term foster care, against our original ideas. We have come to terms with God's plan but look forward to the future to see what type of relationship the kids will be capable of having. They all have significant social, learning, and processing problems that no blood work, mri, or testing can really label. Sometimes a label helps us to better understand what the future holds.